Louis CK is such a great comedian that he can make a strong bit out of the smallest thing: a jar of duck vaginas, an imagined confrontation with a neighbor, or a suggestion from a stranger. I’m thinking of Louis’ bit about being told to “suck a bag of dicks.” Louis marvels at this wonderful idiom (“A whole bag of ’em!) while absurdly speculating on how one would go about actually sucking a bag of dicks. Oh, just see for yourself.
When I first heard this bit, it hit me right in the memory bone: I had heard a variation back in the Western New York region about 10 years ago or so. My friend Tricia was fond of proclaiming that someone–a jerk, natch–needed to “eat a bowl of dicks.” Turns out that version is fairly common too. In fact, earlier this year some University of Oregon campus police officers got in trouble for composing on ongoing “bowl of dicks” list that included Osama bin Laden, double parkers, and Cher. Since the list also included the immortal ABBA, it is obviously not an accurate account of whose diet is most lacking a round vessel of male genitalia.
I did some googling, and it seems such advice also includes “barrel of dicks” and “bucket of dicks.” Containers starting with B sound right with this idiom, but I sadly found no example of “briefcase of dicks,” which is an unfortunate lack of corporate/lexical synergy. I found one example of “dumpster of dicks,” a turn of phrase that really sings.
That’s as far as I got with my research, since I didn’t feel like searching for variations with every container, synonym for eat or suck, and euphemism for dick, lest my computer/brain explode in a penile-pocalypse. Even on the day after Christmas, a barrel of dicks is enough.