Louis CK is such a great comedian that he can make a strong bit out of the smallest thing: a jar of duck vaginas, an imagined confrontation with a neighbor, or a suggestion from a stranger. I’m thinking of Louis’ bit about being told to “suck a bag of dicks.” Louis marvels at this wonderful idiom (“A whole bag of ’em!) while absurdly speculating on how one would go about actually sucking a bag of dicks. Oh, just see for yourself.
When I first heard this bit, it hit me right in the memory bone: I had heard a variation back in the Western New York region about 10 years ago or so. My friend Tricia was fond of proclaiming that someone–a jerk, natch–needed to “eat a bowl of dicks.” Turns out that version is fairly common too. In fact, earlier this year some University of Oregon campus police officers got in trouble for composing on ongoing “bowl of dicks” list that included Osama bin Laden, double parkers, and Cher. Since the list also included the immortal ABBA, it is obviously not an accurate account of whose diet is most lacking a round vessel of male genitalia.
I did some googling, and it seems such advice also includes “barrel of dicks” and “bucket of dicks.” Containers starting with B sound right with this idiom, but I sadly found no example of “briefcase of dicks,” which is an unfortunate lack of corporate/lexical synergy. I found one example of “dumpster of dicks,” a turn of phrase that really sings.
That’s as far as I got with my research, since I didn’t feel like searching for variations with every container, synonym for eat or suck, and euphemism for dick, lest my computer/brain explode in a penile-pocalypse. Even on the day after Christmas, a barrel of dicks is enough.
Strong Language 
And then there’s suckin’ on a chili dog: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h04CH9YZcpI
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“Eat a jar of dicks.” 991.
“Eat a dick salad.” 3180.
“Eat a can of dicks.” 1290.
“Eat a basket of dicks.” 478.
“Suck a bundle of dicks.” 7.
“Suck a sack of dicks.” 1590.
“Suck a satchel of dicks.” 6.
“Suck a shopping cart full of dicks.” 1.
Just to be helpful.
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I’m the one who started ‘satchel of dicks’!
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Which reminds me now of George V. Higgins’s line: “It was darker than a carload of assholes.”
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There is also “cock gobbler” and “Cum Guzzler”.
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Was just watching the season premiere of the US animated series Archer and the eponymous character, after being repeatedly bitten by mosquitoes in a rain forest, says
“Thanks, jungle… eat a buffet of dicks”
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A dumpster of dicks…it’s either very sad, since they’ve been thrown away, or very gross, since they’ve been “used” and are now sitting in a dumpster. A bag, bowl or basket sounds like a gift. Still, I do like the alliteration.
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a gift basket of dicks sounds lovely – it’s either a very thoughtful gift or a very elegantly-made insult.
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My boyfriend had a newspaper clipping of a locally-famous (and truly horrendous) woman to which he’d affixed a post-it not speech bubble reading “I EAT COCK”. I said honey I don’t think you want to be calling that a bad thing, if you know what I mean. He said it was meant as, she consumes them like some Lovecraftian horror, devouring and leaving men bleeding out in her wake.
And people wonder why I love this man. How could you not.
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Reblogged this on realbobbi and commented:
funny, and using words outside of the norm.
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