The fucking midterm elections

You know what I’m talking about, fellow U.S.ians? Let’s get this motherfucker over with already, even though we know that campaigning for the fucking 2020 general election will begin on November 7, and the festering rancor will probably continue into the 23rd century, if the melting icecaps don’t inundate us first.

I mean, take a look at the contents of my mailbox.

Oakland, California, October 29, 2018. Not shown: election-related emails, texts, and robocolls.

Tired of it all? Me too! But instead of turning my frown upside down, I’m turning weary into sweary. Here are a few fucking points of light in the gloom.

Have you been living in a cave? When Are the Fucking Midterms gives you a helpful countdown till — how could you forget? — November 6.

OK, you forgot. Remember the Fucking Midterms sends you a note so you don’t forget why you need to fucking vote.

Now you know the when and the why. Your Fucking Polling Place tells you where.

Are you lucky enough to live in San Francisco? The San Francisco League of Pissed-Off Voters will tell you how to vote. From the website: “The League formed in 2004 with the goal of building a progressive governing majority in our lifetime. Our contribution is this voter guide – a secret decoder ring for SF politics.”

We know it isn’t nice to make fun of people’s names, but couldn’t help being impressed by the juxtaposition of these candidates’ posters on a wall facing the Costco parking lot in Richmond, California.

Mr. Pimple will patiently explain that his surname is pronounced pim-PLAY. (The green check mark is supposed to give you a clue.)

For the big picture, subscribe to What the Fuck Just Happened Today, which launched shortly after Trump’s inauguration as a daily “essential guide to the daily shock and awe in national politics.”

Everything is shitty, but at least you can clean up after your dog with Trump Turds cleanup bags. Proceeds support Mad Dog PAC, which buys ads targeting Trump and Trumpists.

8 thoughts on “The fucking midterm elections

  1. Tom Kenny October 29, 2018 / 12:18 pm

    Excellent. Love following your shit.

    Like

  2. Y October 29, 2018 / 4:32 pm

    Vinay Pimple is the least Richmond can do for us, now that Corky Boozé is no longer on the city council.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ben Zimmer October 29, 2018 / 4:38 pm

    Pimplé and Boozé remind me of the Saturday Night Live sketch “Baby Names” (video, transcript), with Nicholas Cage as Asswipe Johnson (“it’s pronounced Os-WEE-pay”).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. beezsting October 29, 2018 / 6:48 pm

    Hilarious and spot on as usual. I am already so sweary, my teeth are rotting. Note, spell check kept losing the s on sweary. Fascism everywhere.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. John Cowan October 29, 2018 / 9:25 pm

    To say nothing of Hyacinth Bouquet. (On the rare occasions when her husband says his name, he pronounces it “Bucket”).

    Like

  6. Kenzmyth Productions October 29, 2018 / 11:05 pm

    Pim-play, maybe, but what other pronunciation for butt is there? But-t? Bu-teetee?Boo-teet? Oh, hell, the turd swirlers in DC have me constantly on the edge of anger and resignation. On the up side, none of my Red State relatives acknowledge my FB posts. I guess my militant atheism and progressive commie sentiments are just too evil. C’est la vie.

    Like

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