Fucking holiday gifts

Looking for that certain sweary something that will elicit [chortles] [cackles] [gasps] during Secret Santa time? Strong Language has just what the season demands.

Comedian and author Kathy Griffin, who calls herself the mayor of Zero F**Ksville, has a whole line of  “Fuck Trump” merch for the #Resister in your life, including these festive ornaments. (The “classy” calligraphic version is sold out, alas.)

Order this “Cold As Fuck” mitten pattern from Ravelry today and you may have just enough time to knit your sweetie something sweary. Perfect, as the designer says, “for giving Old Man Winter a discreet middle finger.” Hat tip: Laura M. Browning. 

The Etsy seller KnotworkShop calls this handpainted ornament a “funny hostess gift,” and who are we to argue?

For the ladylike potty-mouth on your list: a charming mug that minces words ever so cleverly.

Don’t even think of putting that cup down without a fucking coaster to protect your Chippendale.

We’re way past “Keep calm and carry on”: This season’s mantra is “Calm the fuck down.” We suggest a tastelessly wrapped gift bundle comprising a CtFD candle (soy, of course), CtFD tea (which can’t be shipped to the U.S.: “Please don’t take this as thinly concealed xenophobia”), and a  CtFD coloring book.

 

Put a sock in censorship! Proceeds from the sale of banned-books socks from the excellently named Out of Print help fund literacy programs and book donations to communities in need.

 

A lovely card makes it festive af.

 

Finally, for the literati on your list, some books by Strong Language contributors and pals:

  • The Asshole’s Guide to Cooking, Volumes 1 and 2, by Strong Language co-founder James Harbeck, “is the print equivalent of a cooking show—a really fucking frank one.”
  • In Praise of Profanity, by Strong Language contributor Michael Adams, is a “breezy, jargon-free book” that “will challenge readers to reconsider the way they think about swearing.”
  • Holy Sh*t: A Brief History of Swearing, by Melissa Mohr, “tells the story of two kinds of swearing — obscenities and oaths — from ancient Rome and the Bible to today.” Essential for settling bar bets and expanding your sweary lexicon.
  • Ascent of the A-Word: Assholism, the First 60 Years, by Geoffrey Nunberg, was published in 2013 but is timelier than ever. Does your giftee already own the hardback? Try the audiobook!
  • The F-Word, by Jesse Sheidlower, was considerably expanded in its third edition (2009); it includes entries for fugly and fuddle-duddle as well as a foreword by comedian Lewis Black.

Happy fucking holidays!

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