How I Met Your Mother: The bitch chronicles, part 5 — All the bitches

Previous bitch chronicles considered the stylistic opportunities that bitch and its derivates (son of a bitch) and euphemisms (son of a me) provide situation comedies like How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM — for basic facts about the show, see part 1), especially in the pace and punch of dialogue and in characterization. Some bitchy items support pop-cultural references bound to resonate with viewers as well as characterize the show’s protagonists. You son of a beech, for example, coordinates with cross-season references to The Princess Bride that characterize Ted Mosby and Marshall Erikson’s inner-childishness, yet it also allows Lily Aldrin a slightly euphemized signature swear consistent with her paradoxical personality. Some bitches in the series may misappropriate African American speech, and sometimes the characters use bitch as a weapon rather than a means of building in-group solidarity, so bitch has its dark side in the series, as it does in life. Thus, HIMYM is a rich, complex, and accurate description of bitch, its uses and abuses.

The previous four bitch chronicles are a long way from exploring the significance of all the show’s bitches. For instance, part 2 discusses how incongruity plays comically, as in Lily’s uses of bitch. Sometimes the setting and swearing seem incongruous, at one or another level. In “Nannies” (8 October 2012), Lily says, in a baby voice, when her infant son nips her while nursing, “You son of a” — pause while she glances a baby Marvin — “eetch-bay.” In our conventional imaginations, swearing and nursing don’t mix. Sometimes, the incongruity results from our knowledge of the whole series as a cumulative setting. In “The End of the Aisle” (24 March 2014), Lily celebrates her marriage by mixing by then familiar nicknames with a triumphant bitch: “We’re Marshmallow and Lilypad, bitch” — the sharp edge of profanity seems out of place among the lily pad contours and pillowy marshmallows of their love, but there it is.

At other times, the incongruity is conceptual, as when Robin explains to Ted, in “Ted Mosby: Architect” (9 October 2006), “What I’m trying to say is, I love being the person you bitch to.” In a real friendship, we infer, not only can you bitch, but you can ignore political correctness and casually toss the verb bitch into conversation. At still other times, the incongruity depends on lexical affect, as when, in “The Three Days Rule” (27 April 2009), Marshall pronounces, “I’m cuddly, bitch. Deal with it.” Generally, bitch and cuddly don’t belong in the same sentence, but HIMYM occasionally challenges our expectations.

Others will see other things in HIMYM’s bitches, of course, but who has time to re-watch the whole series and extract all those bitches? Because my two elementary school-aged children produce mounds of laundry, I spend a horrifying amount of time folding it, and one or two episodes of a sitcom perfectly complements my folding schedule. As the bitch chronicles attest, I have recently enjoyed a Netflix sponsored re-watch, and as a matter of convenience to anyone interested, I’ve compiled an anthology of all the bitches at the end of this post. Really, it’s most of the post. I have transcribed carefully, I think, but errors may persist, and I may have missed a bitch or two while trying to find mates for some of the lonely socks. Omissions and errors are easily corrected. Please, let me know of any, and we’ll perfect the anthology together.

Consider some facts about bitch in the series, made obvious in such a compilation. Lily is the first to bitch, Ted the last. On balance, bitch is appropriately more frequent in women’s use than men’s, at 72 tokens for the ladies and 48 for the gentlemen, a third again more frequent. The show’s men do use bitch: they use it around their women intimates and they use it of women outside of their group, but they aren’t entitled to use it as the women do, as illustrated in part 4. Of the two central women characters, Lily bitches considerably more often than Robin, 35 instances to 25, though several of Lily’s bitches are euphemisms of one kind or another. I count those as bitches, however, because, as I point out in In Praise of Profanity, the euphemisms are transparent and cause us to swear instead of the character.

How big is bitch in HIMYM? It enters modestly, with only eight instances each in the first and second seasons, dipping to a mere four tokens in the third. As the show matures, however, so does the language: 12 in Season 4, nine in Season 5, 13 in Season 6, and 16 in Season 7. Towards the end of the series, bitch becomes surprisingly robust: 26 bitches in Season 8 and 25 in Season 9. So, nine seasons, 208 episodes, each 22 minutes long, thus 4,598 minutes or 275,880 seconds of airtime for the whole series, with just 121 bitches or variations thereon (if you’re checking my calculations, note that series finale is a double episode). On one hand, you’d think, bitch barely registers in a viewer’s experience; on the other, because it’s relatively rare, it disrupts the show’s discourse just as profanity does in speech and should in a sitcom that mirrors everyday life and language. It is a comedic world away from the thematic effect of swearing in drama like The Sopranos, most episodes of which, as I reported in In Praise of Profanity, include more swear words than minutes of airtime.

Another way to determine how bitch counts in HIMYM is to measure the swear words against the total number of words in the series’ narration and dialogue. Copying and pasting the transcripts found here, we can arrive at a rough total. The transcripts sometimes include extra words like turn markers (“NARRATOR,” for instance) and parenthetical references to nonverbal sounds (“sighs” and “grunts”), and some initial and final lines are incomplete — perfect transcripts would require some editing, which I haven’t performed. But roughly, the series contains 614,975 words, and the 121 bitches amount to .2% of the whole, which isn’t much but which may represent fairly accurately what we know about the frequency of profanity in unscripted speech.

We know that, despite public perception to the contrary, we don’t swear all that much in the aggregate — of course, some people swear more than others. Timothy Jay estimates that profanity amounts to about .5% of the words that come out of our mouths daily. Even at its peak, in Season 8, bitch occupies only about .379% of the scripts, and overall, it falls far short of average swearing. But bitch isn’t the only swear word in the series, and if we added the rest, as well as euphemisms for profanity, the show might approach the .5% figure. Someone else will have to count the rest of the profanity, however. Netflix no longer carries HIMYM in its catalogue, and I’m due for a HIMYM holiday, anyway.

The closer it comes to Jay’s .5%, the more realistic the scripted language — it would achieve verisimilitude, of the kind Sali Tagliamonte and Chris Roberts found in use of the intensifier so in the sitcom Friends. The closer it comes to .2%, the more it functions as flavor language — it convinces us we’re in an adult setting, listening to adults, even if their speech is less adult than we might expect. But given the bitch numbers, it’s unlikely that swearing in HIMYM much exceeds the frequency of swearing in natural speech.

Just because HIMYM’s bitches are in one sense average doesn’t mean they’re meaningless, however. In “P.S. I Love You” (4 February 2013), Barney inquires of Ted’s girlfriend du jour, “does she have enormous cans?” When Ted responds in the negative, Barney continues: “Then what we’re saying is she’s a crazy stalker bitch who pulled that fire alarm and you should run screaming,” and Robin offers some usage advice: “I don’t think we should be so cavalier with the word stalker.” Cavalier with stalker, maybe, but in its multidimensional uses of bitch, fully integrated into the series’ comedic structure and style, How I Met Your Mother is anything but cavalier.

 

How I Met Your Mother: All the bitches: An anthology

1.1       “Pilot” (19 September 2005)

Marshall: “So, did you kiss her?” Ted: “No, the moment wasn’t right. Look, this woman could actually be my future wife. I want out first kiss to be amazing.” Lily: “Oh, Ted, that is so sweet. So, you chickened out like a little bitch.”

 

1.5       “Okay Awesome” (17 October 2005)

Robin: “Say you’re my bitch.” Ted: “I’m your bitch. Why this time?”

____________

Robin: “My bitches!”

 

1.6       “The Slutty Pumpkin” (24 October 2005)

Lily: “I think you won the dish-off tonight, baby — this steak totally bitch-slapped my pork chop.”

 

1.13     “Drumroll, Please” (23 January 2006)

Lily: “Hell, yeah! I’m gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, ‘Crawl for it, bitches!’ It’s just what girls do.”

 

1.15     “Game Night” (27 February 2006)

Lily: “You must really hate the bitch.”

 

1.22     “Come On” (15 May 2006)

Sandy: “Bummer. I was hoping to finally have sex with you this weekend, Scherbatsky.” Robin: “Well, I’d give you the ‘I Don’t Date Co-workers’ speech again, but, God, you must have that sonbitch memorized by now.”

 

2.4       “Ted Mosby: Architect” (9 October 2006)

Robin: “What I’m trying to say is, I love being the person you bitch to.”

 

2.5       “World’s Greatest Couple” (16 October 2006)

Woman to Barney: “You son of a bitch! I can’t believe I let you enter my sacred temple.”

 

2.11     “How Lily Stole Christmas” (11 December 2006)

Answering Machine Ted: “Hey, Marshall. Are you lyin’ on the couch right now, moping about Lily? You are, aren’t you. Well, stop it. She’s not worth it. You gotta get over that grinch.” Narrator Ted: “But I didn’t say ‘grinch.’ I said a bad word, a very, very bad word.” Ted: “Oh, fudge.” Narrator Ted: But I didn’t say ‘fudge.’”

 

2.20     “Showdown” (20 April 2007)

Lily: “It’s $300 just to take the bust in? No, please, you have to have some sympathy for me. I’m getting married next Saturday and I’m too skinny for my dress. I lost all this weight without even trying. Hello? Hello?” Robin: “What happened?” Lily: “She called me a bitch and hung up.”

 

2.22     “Something Blue” (14 May 2007)

Waiter to Ted: “You’re the son of a bitch who stole our blue French horn.”

 

3.3       “Third Wheel” (8 October 2007)

Lily: “You just made the list, bitch!”

 

3.16     “Sandcastles in the Sand” (21 April 2008)

Lily: “Oh, hell no … is that my girl Michelle?” Michelle: “Bitch, you know it.”

 

3.19     “Everything Must Go” (12 May 2008)

Ted: “Hey, how was your day?” Lily: “Today, I yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow.” Ted: “A rainbow? Sounds like that bitch had it coming.”

 

3.20     “Miracles” (19 May 2008)

Stella: “Did he think that was a breakup? Son of a bitch.”

 

4.6       “Happily Ever After” (3 November 2008)

Ted: “Really. You wouldn’t hide from anyone.” Barney: “Mm, hmm.” Ted: “Not even, say, Becca DaLucci?” Barney: “You son of a bitch.”

 

4.8       “Woooo!” (17 November 2008)

Jillian: “Lily — over here, you sexy bitch.”

___________

Lily: “Oh my God, bitch, this is our anthem.”

___________

Woman: “No, bitch, shots are on you. You’re such a whore.”

 

4.9       “Naked Man” (24 November 2008)

Barney’s date: “Get outta here right now, get out, you sick son of a bitch.”

 

4.10     “The Fight” (8 December 2008)

Robin: “Marshall looks good. Has he lost weight?” Lily: “Bitch, don’t even.”

 

4.12     “Benefits” (12 January 2009)

Marshall: “Son of a …”

 

4.14     “The Possimpible”

Ted: “So, Marshall and I are the only people at the table with weak-ass crap on their resumes?” Lily: “What are you implying?” Marshall: “Oh. Oh, wow. Does the date July 4, 1992 mean anything to you?” Lily: “You son of a bitch.”

 

4.16     “Sorry, Bro” (9 March 2009)

Ted: “Okay, Lily, let’s be honest. We both know your real motivation here. You hate Karen because she lingered [on Marshall].” Lily: “You son of a bitch.”

 

4.17     “The Front Porch” (16 March 2009)

Karen: “Wait. What is this?” Ted: “One of Robin’s earrings. That’s weird. You’re the fan …” Karen: “How did it get in your bed?” Ted: “I dunno.” Karen: “Have you been sleeping with Robin?” Ted: “No, Of course not. It probably got mixed in with the laundry or something.” Karen: “Why should I believe you?” Ted: “Um, maybe because I’ve always been faithful to you, while you’ve cheated on me six times, bitch.”

 

4.21     “The Three Days Rule” (27 April 2009)

Robin: “Wait a minute, you sons of bitches.”

______________

Marshall: “I’m cuddly, bitch. Deal with it.”

 

5.5       “Duel Citizenship”

Lily: “Road trip! So, do you guys want to talk about bitches?”

 

5.8       “The Play Book” (16 November 2009)

Barney: “You son of a bitch.”

______________

Lily: “You son of a bitch.”

_____________

Lily: “You son of a beetch.”

 

5.9       “Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap” (23 November 2009)

Lily: “You son of a bitch” [just before making a bodega owner dead to her for giving her regular coffee when she had asked for decaf].”

 

5.10     “The Window” (7 December 2009)

Jim: “Jealous bitch.”

 

5.18     “Say Cheese” (22 March 2010)

Robin: “Oopsies, hey, I dropped my phone. Would you mind picking it up for me? Barney: “Hm, hm.” Robin: “Smile, you son of a bitch.”

 

5.21     “Twin Beds” (3 May 2010)

Ted [to Barney in pseudo-competition over Robin]: “You son of a bitch.”

 

5.22     “Robots vs. Wrestlers” (10 May 2010)

Robot: “That all you got, bitch.”

 

6.3       “Unfinished” (4 October 2010)

Marshall: “I can do better. Take me back you son of a bitch.”

____________

Barney: “Yeah, Ted, why aren’t you in class? Son of a bitch.”

 

6.5       “Architect of Destruction” (18 October 2010)

Zoe: “Hey, Mosby! You’re gonna have to come out here at some point, you son of a bitch.”

 

6.14     “Last Words” (17 January 2011)

Lily: Guys, I have a role — I’m Judy’s bitch.”

 

6.15     “Oh, Honey” (7 February 2011)

Lily: “I hate you … bitch [over-enunciated].”

_____________

Lily: “We hate Ted now. Get on board or the sexting stops.” Marshall: “Ted’s a son of a bitch!”

 

6.17     “Garbage Island” (21 February 2011)

The Captain: “I know who stole my Zoe. No man liked to be betrayed, especially by a friend. Imagine, then, how painful it was to learn that the name of my betrayer is, Ted, when I tell you who it is, you’re gonna [head explodes] … it’s my doorman.” Ted [the actual betrayer]: “That son of a bitch.”

 

6.18     “A Change of Heart” (28 February 2011)

Barney: “Guys, this is real, and if you don’t make me look good in front of Nora, just remember, I’ve got dirt on each of you, and I am not afraid to spill it.” Lily: “Barney, you can’t blackmail us into lying to Nora.” Barney: “Really, Lily? Even if I were to mention, oh, I don’t know, your kindergarten class’s pet guinea pig?” Lily: “Mr. Buttons? You son of a beetch [Inigo Montoya-style].”

 

6.20     “The Exploding Meatball Sandwich” (11 April 2011)

Lily: “Your relationship sounds exhausting.” Ted: “Well, maybe yours is a bit lazy.” Lily: “Marshall and I have been together fifteen years and the only debate we’ve had about Tommy Boy is whether it’s awesome or super-awesome. That’s love, bitch.”

 

6.22     “The Perfect Cocktail” (2 May 2011)

Robin: “We need to get these bitches drunk.”

______________

Lily: “Can you believe this one? Wants our booth, keeps giving us the walkby.” Robin: “That bitch is not giving us the walkby.”

______________

Barney: “What kind of dirtbag doesn’t stand by his best friend, but instead sides with some self-righteous bitch with a pointless cause and a megaphone.”

 

6.24     “Challenge Accepted” (16 May 2011)

Lily: “Yeah, I wasn’t listening either. Ted really can go on about a bitch.”

 

7.1       “The Best Man” (19 September 2011)

Robin: “You’re Ted Mosby. You start believing again.” Ted: “In what? Destiny?” Robin: “Chemistry. If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing.” Ted: “What’s that?” Robin: “Timing. But timing’s a bitch.”

___________

Ted: “I used to believe in destiny, you know? I’d go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line, reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that’s been stuck in my head all week and I’d think, ‘Wow, hey, maybe she’s the one.’ Now I think, ‘I just know that bitch is gonna take the last whole-wheat everything bagel.”

 

7.4       “The Stinson Missile Crisis” (3 October 2011)

Robin: “Patrice said maybe he met someone else. She’s such a bitch, right?”

 

7.6       “Mystery vs. History” (17 October 2011)

Ted: Guess what smooth son of a bitch just picked up a girl at the bar?”

___________

Robin: And she was on board with the whole Internet thing?” Ted: “She loved it.” Robin: “The bitch is hiding something.” Barney: “The bitch is totally hiding something.”

 

7.10     “Tick, Tick, Tick” (14 November 2011)

Ted: “No sandwich. We eat sandwiches at every palooza — Lollapalooza, Funkapalooza …” Lily: Gender diversity awareness-palooza junior year.” Ted: “Yeah, there were some real bitches there.”

 

7.12     “Symphony of Illumination” (5 December 2011)

Scott: “Hey, mister. Are you putting up all these Christmas lights?” Marshall: “Aw, kid. By the time I’m done, you’re gonna see this sonbitch from outer space.”

___________

Ted: “Yes, it is. Cheering you up is my job.” Robin: “Well then, you’re fired.” Ted: “You can’t fire me. I’m union, bitch.”

 

7.13     “Tailgate” (2 January 2012)

Sandy: “Tina Henderson is a soulless bitch, who’ll stomp on your heart. I need you back, Tina. I love you.”

 

7.15     “The Burning Beekeeper” (6 February 2012)

Marshall: “But, hey, what’s goin’ on with Robin? I called her a mean son-of-a-bitch, and she took it all weird.”

____________

Robin: “Son of a …”

____________

Marshall: “I want you to scream at me, you know, like you do to strangers on the street at the slightest provocation.” Robin: “I don’t do that.” Marshall: “C’mon. Lay some of that classic Scherbatsky mean son-of-a-bitch on me. Treat me like a Girl Scout trying to sell you cookies.”

 

7.17     “No Pressure” (20 February 2012)

Ted: “I’ve seen the Olympics. I know what I’m doin’. I’m goin’ skiin’, bitches.”

 

7.19     “The Broath” (19 March 2012)

Marshall: “Hey, let’s play a game. ‘Craziest sex in public’ story. I’ll start. I was once with this chick who loved to get freaky in elevators. Doors would close, suddenly she’s panting on all fours like a dog in heat.” Lily: “Marshall, stop.” Marshall: (aside) “I never said it was you. [not aside] So, anyway, last August I go bareback with the same slut, she gets pregnant — bitch is even hornier.”

 

7.22     “Good Crazy” (30 April 2012)

Ted [stylized]: “You son of a bitch” [as the bartender transforms into Robin].

 

8.1       “Farhampton” (24 September 2012)

Robin: “Ah, got it, man! That sombitch have been in there since breakfast. Robin one, poppyseed zero.”

 

8.2       “The Pre-Nup” (1 October 2012)

Lily: “What’re you bitches doing here?” Marshall: “Lily! [indicating the baby]” Lily: “Oh, he’s napping. It’s the only time I get to go blue.”

 

8.3       “Nannies” (8 October 2012)

Lily [in baby voice]: “You son of a [pause while she glances at little Marvin] eetch-bay.”

____________

Mickey [of the wonderful Minnesotan nanny}: “Well, she was a total bitch.”

 

8.4       “Who Wants to Be a Godparent?” (15 October 2012)

Barney: “I know this hurts little buddy, but you’ll love again someday. Because time will heal a broken heart, but not that bitch’s window.”

 

8.5       “The Autumn of Breakups” (5 November 2012)

Marshall: “Oh, oh, honey sweety-baby. No theirty-two-year-old woman is happy taking things slow. Trust me, Victoria’s got friends from high school posting pictures of second babies on Facebook. And you think girlfriends are, like, let’s just bone a bunch so I’m another year older and single — bitch, please.”

____________

Barney: “Guys, I’ve got a new bro, a bro that puts all other bros to shame. The bitches love him” [the bro is a dog].

_____________

Brover [Barney’s bro-dog]: “Bro, help. Some crazy bitch says I knocked her up.”

 

8.7       “The Stamp Tramp” (19 November 2012)

Barney: “One question — Golden Oldies [strip club] just sent me a fax machine and a Charo calendar. Aren’t they out of the running?” Robin: “Yeah, but those old bitches don’t need to know that.”

 

8.8       “Twelve Horny Women” (26 November 2012)

Lily: “Scooter, do you smell bacon? [pause] Laugh, bitch.”

 

8.9       “Lobster Crawl” (3 December 2012)

Lily: “If you ever want to see these boobs again, crawl, you son-of-a-me.”

____________

Robin [to herself, silently]: “You think you’re so smart, don’t you bitch?”

____________

Lily: “Bro-bibs for women — Bitchbibs.”

____________

[On play sign]: “The Robin & Lily ‘that Bitch Brandi’ Get Freaky”

____________

Lily: “Do it! If you ever wanna see these boobs, crawl, you sonova me!”

 

8.10     “The Over-Correction” (10 December 2012)

Ted: “No, you hang up first.” Prison inmate: “No, you hang up first.” Ted: “No, you hang up first.” Prison inmate: “Hang up, you little bitch!”

 

8.12     “The Final Page: Part 2” (17 December 2012)

Marshall: “You can do that on your own?” Lily: “Pilates, bitch.”

 

8.13     “Band or DJ?” (14 January 2013)

Ted: “Anyway, we’re having the ceremony at that beautiful little church on Long Island where Victoria almost got married, lovely spot. And then we’re gonna have a reception in a big white tent on the front lawn of the hotel. Oh, and the colors are cream and lilac.” Lily: “I’ma cut you bitch.”

 

8.15     “P.S. I Love You” (4 February 2013)

Barney: “Ted, does she have enormous cans?” Ted: “No.” Barney: “Then what we’re saying is she’s a crazy stalker bitch who pulled that fire alarm and you should run screaming.” Robin: “I don’t think we should be so cavalier with the word stalker.”

 

8.16     “Bad Crazy” (11 February 2013)

Jeannette: “So, did Lily leave these boots here, or was it some other bitch?”

 

8.18     “Weekend at Barney’s” (25 February 2013)

Marshall: “Lil, I’ll be fine — do you know who you’re talkin’ to? In high school I was voted most outgoing freshman, sophomore, and senior year.” Lily: “What happened junior year?” Marshall: Egdud Furhaki, that outgoing son of a bitch.”

 

8.20     “The Time Travelers” (25 March 2013)

Robin: “You’re still clinging to that, Marshall? It doesn’t matter, ‘cause you’d lose anyway, and you know why? ‘Cause I’m Sparkles, bitch.”

 

8.22     “The Bro Mitzvah” (29 April 2013)

Ted: “You crazy son of a bitch, you did it!”

 

8.23     “Something Old” (6 May 2013)

“Robin [looking for the locket]: Where are you, you son of a bitch!”

____________

Ted: “We sang in the New Year on this thing in ’02, remember? We were Destiny’s Child. And since I was Beyoncé, I am pretty sure I get the final say here.” Marshall [in a not especially good impersonation of an African American voice]: “Ah, we were not your backup singers, bitch, we were a group.” Ted: “I’m sorry — are you guys married to Jay-Z, or am I married to Jay-Z?”

 

8.24     “Something New” (13 May 2013)

Robin: “You know what? Screw celebrating us. You know what we’re going to do?” Robin and Barney [together]: “Make these smug, obnoxious sons of bitches pay.”

 

9.1       “The Locket” (23 September 2013)

Lily: “You know what? I don’t care if these are poisoned. There’s chocolate, and peanut butter, and caramel in these sonbitches.” Tracy: “I call them sonbitches.” […] Tracy [offers cookie]: “Sonbitch? […] Lily [reflecting on Ted getting the locket from Stella and also getting a cookie]: “Sonbitch.” […] Tracy: “Here, have another sonbitch.” [But the container is empty.] Lily [with hell-eyes]: “There are no more sonbitches?!”

 

9.2 “Coming Back” (23 September 2013)

Russian Barney: “Is it just me, or did that feel like we hit an old Gypsy woman?” Russian James: “Yep. Old Gypsy woman. Good call, Barnovski. Oh, well, she’s just a peasant. Home, Smirnoff. Wait, she’s saying somethink!” Peasant woman: “Hornier. Hornier.” Russian Barney: “Hornier? Sonobovich! Did she just put a curse on us?” Russian James: “Eh, nonsense, brother. Okay, let’s go, Smirnoff. Smirnoff? Homina, hominovich. Mmm, Smirnoff, I would climb you like the Kremlin Wall.”

 

9.3       “Last Time in New York” (30 September 2013)

Lily [Inigo Montoya-style]: “You son of a beech.”

____________

James [to Robin and Barney]: “You bitches best get outta my hiding spot.”

 

9.4       “The Broken Code” (7 October 2013)

Robin [of Patrice]: “God, I’m gonna strangle that bitch!”

______________

Lily: “I didn’t forget to invite the girls to your bachelorette party. You have no girls.” Robin: “What? What? What? What? All my girls — I gave you a list.” Lily: “This list? Tall girl from work? Mouth-breather at coffee shop? Average-sized girl from that place? Ooh — sorry I didn’t track her down, she sounds great!” Robin: “She’s actually kind of a bitch.”

 

9.5       “The Poker Game” (14 October 2013)

Loretta: “You won the battle; I’ll win the war.” Robin: “Game on bitch.”

 

9.8       “The Lighthouse” (4 November 2013)

Clint [abandoned on the road]: “Son of a bitch!”

____________

Robin: “Mornin’, bitches. Like my new blouse?”

 

9.10     “Mom and Dad” (18 November 2013)

Jerry: “Give me back my wife, you son of a bitch.”

 

9.11     “Bedtime Stories” (25 November 2013)

Simon: “Our wedding cake is bitchin’, eh?”

 

9.15     “Unpause” (20 January 2014)

Greg: “You son of a bitch — I’ll destroy you.”

 

9.18     “Rally” (24 February 2014)

Lily [to her underage son as he walks into a bar]: “You son of a b___.”

____________

Lily’s son [mouths in split frame with above]: “Son of a b___.”

____________

Ted [of his mother]: “Oh my God, that bitch lied to me.”

_____________

Robin: “Bitch, walk out that door, and I tag in Zabka as my maid of honor.”

 

9.22     “The End of the Aisle” (24 March 2014)

Lily: “You son of a beetch.”

____________

Lily: “We’re Marshmallow and Lilypad, bitch.”

 

9.23     “Last Forever, Part I” (31 March 2014)

Ted: “I met a girl.” Lily: “You son of a bitch.”

____________

Ted: “The son of a bitch did it.”

 

One thought on “How I Met Your Mother: The bitch chronicles, part 5 — All the bitches

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s