Send in the assclowns

Have those creepy clowns been terrorizing your neighborhood this autumn? Kick ‘em in the seat of their oversized, particolored pants with this choice insult: assclown. To be sure, I’m certain we can all conjure up some far stronger words for those evil motherfuckers, but let’s have a closer look at this jester jibe.   

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The possessed fuck

Possessive pronouns – my, your, his, her, our, their – modify nouns. Pretty much any nouns. The English possessive shouldn’t even really be called “possessive,” since it also describes so many more and other things than possession. The thing “possessed” can be an individual item: My dick and your cunt should really get acquainted. It can be a mass object: Don’t waste my time or touch my shit. It can be an act: How was your run today? As good as my performance last night?

Obviously some things are more likely to be “possessed” than others: his book is going to show up far more often than her neutrino. But pretty much any noun, including any sweary noun, can be possessed.

And yet.

A fuck almost never is possessed. Continue reading

What the “pokéfuck” is going on?

PokéBalls aren’t what they sound like – fortunately. They are capsules used to catch Pokémon, those little creatures swarming our smartphones, our streets, our very lives thanks to Nintendo’s hit new mobile game, Pokémon Go. But when we’re not playing with our PokéBalls, we are playing with our Pokémon words – swears included.

On social media, wordplay, especially blending, has become a ritual reaction to major new stories and trends. Remember regrexit? Pokémon Go, naturally, has inspired its own blends: pokémontage, pokémoron, pokébond, The Count of Pokémonte Cristo, and  yes, pokéfuck. Twitter alone is proving a veritable PokéStop for all manner of what we can only call pokéswears. Let’s see if we can, er, catch ‘em all.

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Shockingly modern-sounding slang in Shakespeare’s (shockingly violent) Titus Andronicus

While we flip the bird at explicit language advisories on this blog, I do want to issue a trigger warning for this post due to fictional content about rape.

That’s a hell of way to kick off a little language study, huh? But even by today’s standards, Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus, with its human sacrifice, gang rape, and cannibalism, is just brutally fucking violent. Amid all its carnage, though, is some sexual wordplay that sounds, well, shockingly modern for a play written over 400 years ago.

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When fucks fly

What exactly is a flying fuck? And why does this fuck fly?

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ThinkGeek’s remote-controlled Flying Fuck. The manufacturer recommends it for ages 6 and up. Image from Amazon.com.

Flying fuck enjoys many fun literal interpretations. Gadget-heads might like the remote-controlled helicopter featured above, craftier folk this flying fuck lovingly fashioned from “wire hate,” both as Nancy Friedman shared with me.

Urban Dictionary offers a number of humorous entries for flying fuck, too, including a rare, African “flightless bird” and a rather acrobatic sex act. Speaking of birds, some do hook up mid-flight (at least as part of courtship) – not unlike the more adventurous frequent fliers among us. Creativity (and Mother Nature) aside, the earliest record of flying fuck is, in fact, a literal one. But let’s save the best for last.

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