Shakespeare’s dildo, and other secret Early Modern pleasures

Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale is best known for what’s probably the most famous stage direction in the history of English drama: “Exit, pursued by a bear” (3.3.57). But the Bard slips in another memorable line that’s sure to get a rise out of lovers of language – and pleasure. At one point, a servant describes Autolycus, a rascally, villainous pedlar who shows up at a local feast:

He hath songs for man or woman, of all sizes; no milliner can so fit his customers with gloves. He has the prettiest love songs for maids, so without bawdry, which is strange with such delicate burdens of dildos and fadings, ‘Jump her and thump her’; and where some stretch-mouthed rascal would, as it were, mean mischief and break a foul gap into the matter, he makes the maid to answer, ‘Whoop, do me no harm, good man’; puts him off, slights him, with ‘Whoop, do me no harm, good man!’ (4.4.190-98)

Burden ofdildos?! That’s right: Shakespeare used the word dildo.

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The golden shower

Say, what is now th’ ambition of the great?
Is it to raise their country’s sinking state;
Her load of debt to ease by frugal care,
Her trade to guard, her harass’d poor to spare?
Is it, like honest Somers, to inspire
The love of laws, and freedom’s sacred fire?
Is it, like wise Gondolphin, to sustain,
The balanc’d world, and boundless power restrain?
Or is the mighty aim of all their toil,
Only to aid the wreck, and share the spoil?
On each relation, friend, dependant, pour,
With partial wantonness, the golden shower,
And, fenc’d by strong corruption, to despise
An injur’d nation’s unavailing cries?
[The Poetical Works of George, Lord Lyttelton, 1801 (pages 137–138)]

How prescient Lord Lyttelton was! Corruption! Wantonness! The golden shower!

This is one of those moments where, if you’re a politician, you may get a sense that urine big trouble: Continue reading

What’s this sack of shit?

Have a look at this sack of shit.

click to embiggen
click to embiggen

Ain’t that some shit? For some fucking reason, shit seems to come mainly in sacks, less often (lately) in bags and buckets, rarely in boxes or cans, and never in bins. So why the fuck is that? Continue reading

The 2nd Annual Tucker Awards for Excellence in Swearing

Last year we introduced a year-end roundup celebrating the best in sweary language: The Tucker Awards. The Tuckers are named after the one and only Malcolm Tucker, Peter Capaldi’s gloriously obscene character from the BBC’s political satire The Thick of It and the big-screen version In the Loop.

Let’s get started with 2016’s best moments in swearing. As Mr. Tucker would say, come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off.

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