Four Femmes on the Thames: ‘Woman up and grow a twat!’

The Four Femmes on the Thames are a cabaret-style group who specialise in old-style jazz and swing music with a comedy twist. Their song ‘Woman Up’ was described by Holly Brockwell at Gadgette as the sweary feminist anthem of the year. I’m sure you can see the Strong Language angle (and appeal) already.

The title, if you’re wondering, inverts the sexist idiom man up, and instead of grow a pair the Femmes suggest that people grow a twat, recalling a quip (‘Grow a vagina – those things can take a pounding’) often misattributed to Betty White. The song is a 3-minute NSFW delight; lyrics and more below the fold:

‘Woman Up’

I don’t know about you
But just lately I’ve been thinking
That the way we praise the brave is quite bizarre.
It’s a phrase we misconstrue
And is spoken without blinking
That men’s bollocks are the strongest thing by far.

Allow us to analyse.

Balls are dangling there all vulnerable and limp
Whereas the growler is certainly no wimp.
She can take a pounding, but he can’t take a tug –
It’s time we started praising the greatness of the rug.

(Chorus)
You’ve got to grow a hairy twat
I’ll put my cunt on the line for that.
People everywhere have got to stop ‘growing a pair’
And woman up and grow a twat.

If you poke around them, balls will make you cringe
But not the black, not the blonde or even the ginger minge.
She can put out babies directly from her flower –
Let’s hear it for vaginas, let’s cheer for pussy power.

(Chorus)
You’ve got to grow a full-blown muff
I’ll put my cunt on the line, so tough… titties.
People everywhere have got to stop ‘growing a pair’
And woman up and grow a muff.

All shout hooray for vajayjay,
Let’s take the plunge for the clunge.
Don’t be a diva – celebrate the beaver
Excuse me, world, I beg your pardon,
Have you met my lady garden?

(Chorus)
You’ve got to grow a grizzly twat
I’ll put my cunt on the line for that.
People everywhere have got to stop ‘growing a pair’
And woman up and grow a cat.
(We mean a pussy)
Woman up and grow a twat.

So when you hear of testes,
Remember, flange is besties
And woman up, woman up,
Woman up and grow a quim, snatch, tunnel of love
Woman up and grow a twat.

Four Femmes on the Thames - Woman Up video
The Four Femmes on the Thames, introducing their lady gardens

*

Lyrics are by Katy Baker, who sings with Abbey Mordue, Emma Drysdale, and Grace Rowe. Music is by Gavin Whitworth, who plays piano; Adam Storey is on bass, and Huw Williams is on drums.

I’ll do another sweary songs extravaganza sometime but figured this one deserved immediate attention. In the meantime, you can see the Four Femmes’ other videos here, including the defiant lament ‘Everybody’s Fucking But Me’ (‘My pussy’s useful only when I pee’):

And the innuendo-laden ‘The Shard’ (purporting to refer to this building):

Finally, for more synonyms of the ‘venerable monosyllable’, don’t miss the slang timeline by Jonathon Green, to whose dictionary many of the lyric links point.

13 thoughts on “Four Femmes on the Thames: ‘Woman up and grow a twat!’

  1. Janet Coburn April 13, 2016 / 7:32 pm

    I wonder if it’s possible to say whether Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, coined the phrase “lady garden.” If not, she has at least increased its visibility, so to speak.

    Like

    • Stan Carey April 13, 2016 / 8:24 pm

      That’s a good question. None of the dictionaries I checked (including slang ones) include it, though citations for garden in that sense go back centuries. There’s a few hits in corpora like COCA and GloWbE, but they all seem pretty recent. I think Jo Brand used the phrase, but I don’t know exactly when. The oldest confirmed use I came across in a few minutes of searching was the comedy group Lady Garden that apparently formed in Manchester in 2005.

      Like

  2. Y April 13, 2016 / 8:07 pm

    “Lady garden” makes me think of upper-class Edwardian tea parties. In other words, horrifying.

    Like

  3. hrgovan April 14, 2016 / 12:25 am

    Thank you thank you thank you so much for posting this. I thoroughly enjoyed Betty White’s famous quote being so well elaborated into song (I know it wasn’t but I hope you know what I mean). Thank you once more.

    Like

  4. hrgovan April 15, 2016 / 2:05 pm

    Reblogged this on BLURRED LIMES and commented:
    Warning: Found from a blog that specialists in swear words (very refreshing) so be warned this video (which I applaud) is very explicit. Enjoy!

    Like

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